baby BOY

Yay!  We're having another boy!  After my last miscarriage in June I felt so frustrated and overwhelmed I knew I needed a break.  We decided that we weren't going to try to get pregnant again for a few months to give me some time to focus on me.  I was physically and emotionally a wreck.  My hormones were all screwed up from the 3 pregnancies and miscarriages and the fertility medication I was taking, and my body was just as screwed up.  I swear every time I started taking another cycle of Clomid I would instantly gain 10 pounds.  I decided I would dedicate the next few months to some much needed me time.  I really focused on getting healthy again.  I was exercising regularly, and eating better, and really focusing on being grateful for the blessings I have in my life right now.  Our family was able to go on our trip to Hawaii and visit Yellowstone for the first time, and just spend time being in and focusing on the now.  In October me and Zac decided I was back in a really good place and that I could handle all of the stress and pressure of trying to get pregnant again.  I had one refill left on my Clomid, so we decided to give it one final try and if it didn't work then we would start the IVF process after the holidays were over.  Clomid is usually prescribed for people that don't ovulate on their own.  I ovulate just fine, but my fertility specialist still had me take it because one of the side effects is an increase in progesterone which is the hormone needed to sustain pregnancy.  Well, it worked!  We found out I was pregnant again the end of November.  Of course we were excited, but I honestly thought I was just going to miscarry again.  This was my 4th time being pregnant in less than 15 months.  My doctor started monitoring my hcg levels right away.  We were cautiously optimistic when my first 48 hour results came back and showed that my level had more than tripled in 3 days.  I then had an ultrasound done at 6 weeks and they were able to see the fetal pole and yolk sac, which was another great sign, but the heartbeat wasn't visible yet.  With all of my miscarriages, I miscarry so early on the doctor's have been calling them blighted ovums.  Which basically means that once the egg is fertilized, my body starts to produce pregnancy hormones and my placenta starts to grow, but the baby never even starts growing.  So in an ultrasound, the fertilized egg is still so microscopic because it hasn't grown, that a fetal pole can't be seen.  This is also why we thought IVF would be our best option.  That way the fertilized egg is grown to an embryo before it's implanted into the uterus.  Anyway, seeing a fetal pole was very encouraging, but without a heartbeat we still didn't know if the pregnancy would be viable.  Needless to say, I was basically a basket case of stress the entire month of December.  I felt like everything might work out, but I didn't want to get too excited and end up heartbroken again.  And at the same time, I felt guilty for not showing more excitement in case it did work out.  At 8 weeks all of our prayers were answered when we finally got to see our little peanuts heartbeat.  I just cried and cried as we sat and watched that little flutter on the screen.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude that I can't explain, and for the first time in over a year, I finally felt like I wasn't a failure of a woman and mom.  We got to see the heartbeat again at 9 weeks, and that's when I finally decided that it would be okay to start taking Zofran to help with my nausea.  When we made it to our 13 week appointment, I felt relief that I honestly can't put into words.  We got to hear our sweet baby's heartbeat at that appointment, and my doctor told me I was in the clear.  At 16 weeks we had another ultrasound and that's when we found out that we were having another boy.  I am so excited for Zion to have a little brother to play with.  I can't wait to watch them grow up together.  To watch them build forts, play ball, get dirty, wrestle and just be boys and best buddies.  I love being a boy mama!  Meeting our second little boy in July can't come soon enough!